OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
