note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
