There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
