No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
