I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
