I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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