My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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