where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He better not be in your backpack
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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