idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
