I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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