I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
