I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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