I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
