i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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