he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
