Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
