Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
