yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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