let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
