Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
