so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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