my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
