you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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