He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
