bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
