you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
