if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So much rum. So many feels.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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