Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
