My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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