i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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