the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
