There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
