Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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