I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
