if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
