It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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