someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just had sex on a roof
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
