I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I haven't been this sober since birth.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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