what day is it and did you see me today?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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