I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
