Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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