I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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