Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ketchup is God's man juice
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
