JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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