I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
