Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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