Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
