Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
