I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
