There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
