Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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